1. |
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Hey there Tom it’s been almost a year
I’ve been trying so hard to fight against these tears
That I’ve been shedding since November
But who knows cause I can’t remember
I’ve been praying to God hoping I would see you soon
But it might be us getting drunk and singing out of tune
To Elton John’s Tiny Dancer
But who knows if I will remember
I’ll see you on Sunday maybe at church
Or maybe somewhere else but who knows I will search
I’m sitting here with paper and pen
Trying to figure out when I’ll see you again
Hey there Tom I haven’t seen you around
I’ve been sitting in my room jamming out to Jackson Browne
And how you got so far
To seeing all of his guitars
I can still recall the time we spent the Friday night
Jamming on the piano to Ben Folds Five
In front of my mom and dad
And to be honest it wasn’t that bad
I think of all the times when I would leave home
And I would tell you don’t worry cause you’re not alone
Instead I sit here with paper and pen
Still trying to figure out when I’ll see you again
I’m not scared
I’m not scared of you
Though I’m not afraid of death but I’m afraid of dying young
I can’t get over the fact that we will soon be turned into dust
And all this nothing we turn into
I’d like to think is something
That you can make of
And it makes no fucking sense if Sarah can’t get by
No matter how hard she does no matter how hard she tries
Again and again is all we do
It just gets so much harder thinking about you
I cry myself to sleep at night
If that is what it will take just to see you again one more time
I am not scared of you
But if you say I am then maybe it’s true
Hey there Tom I really fucking miss you
I wish we could do all the things we said we’d do
Like maybe start our own band
But instead you became my biggest fan
I’m sitting here with paper and pen
Still trying to figure out when I’ll see you again
Which I hope is soon
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2. |
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Flashback to June of 2021
I’m on the bus with Andy and John
Ava’s eating a sandwich
And Jake is listening to the new Tyler the Creator
And I’m still watching the new Bad Batch
Hoping that this four hour ride ends sooner
I guess I never realized that three more could hurt
Including the train
I guess I never realized that traveling sucks
Hence why I’ll probably never tour
And I will never get to see the world
I’m too scared to be growing older
I don’t think the outcomes will pay off
It just proves I can never fund myself
And these days are now getting colder
Maybe now I can find someone
Who can care for me as much as I care for myself
Flashback to two months later in August
I’m in the car with Dan listening to PUP
Making our way to Philly
But who knew that people couldn’t drive for shit
I wanna know who’s idea it was
To make gas $3 a gallon
At least its giving dad some business
Though he is still complaining
Who knew traffic could be such a bitch
I guess cause I rarely drive anymore
Ever since that I moved to the city
I’m too scared to be growing older
I don’t think the outcomes will pay off
It just proves I can never fund myself
And these days are now getting colder
Maybe now I can find someone
Who can care for me as much as I care for myself
I wanna know who’s idea it was
To charge $10 for a pack of cigarettes
When I can pay less for them in Lake Charles
And I can smoke them in three days
Or maybe less it just depends if I’m too stressed out
And maybe I could give myself a break
Don’t step on my fucking boots
I’m too scared to be growing older
I don’t think the outcomes will pay off
It just proves I can never fund myself
And these days are now getting colder
Maybe now I can find someone
Who can give a shit for me
And my problems that I face
Every single day and I can
Care for yours too that way you can
Care for me as much as I care for myself
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3. |
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Staying up till 3 AM
Talking away the time
Drinking Cokes to cope with the heat
And trying to get my feelings aligned
Break down the carpets
And we’ll play some games maybe watch a movie
What’s your favorite “Oh Napoleon Dynamite”
Yeah that’s cool yeah he seems pretty goofy
I can’t get over the fact
That I’m too tired to walk myself home
I can’t really get much further
Than I could ever go
I can’t believe this is happening
I can’t ignore the fact
That I’ve been dooped this whole time
And I couldn’t get a hint of what you said
Eggplant parmesan for breakfast
It doesn’t sound güd but I guess it’ll have to do
It’s better than cutting myself
With a sharp spoon from a bowl of Froot Loops
Aquatic wild life on the big screen
Waiting for fish to get eaten by bears
Turkish Royals I’m not about those
But I’ll still chill in your rocking chair
I can’t get over the fact
That I’m too tired to walk myself home
I can’t really get much further
Than I could ever go
I can’t believe this is happening
I can’t ignore the fact
That I’ve been dooped this whole time
And I couldn’t get a hint of what you said
I know it can’t be this simple
Acting this way around my friends
But I can still be like Pedro
And maybe build a cake and ask you to the dance
To whom it may concern
I don’t really stay up this late
But I still can get drunk by myself
And that’s how it will be and always will be
But my dumbass left my Octoberfest
In your fridge and I shouldn’t have done that
But that’s what I get for being a stupid fuck
We really need to learn how to say no
I can’t believe this is happening
I can’t ignore the fact
That I’ve been dooped this whole time
And I couldn’t get a hint of what you said
Oh my God
I never really felt like shit so bad
And I guess that’s what I get
For staying up every single Goddamn night with you
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4. |
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Dear Uncle Mike
I wish I knew you like dad did
I wish I knew you like grandma and grandpa did when they raised you
Maybe I can get some more detail about
Family drama and how you never got part of it
But who knows cause I don’t know
I spent most of my days in the backyard
Trying to light some fireworks
But we couldn’t even though Gabe did
And we got in trouble but not as bad from ten years ago
I go towards the back of your house
With Jacob and Jelly watching Degrassi
Just to make fun of Drake
And then watch Scott Pilgrim save the day
I don’t know where
To go if it’s cold outside
I guess it’s better than ninety degrees
Every single day there
I can’t see the signs
That point me directions
To the west side
Or if I should just stay here
Goddammit I spilt the Dos Equis bottle again
I’m sorry I did that
I’ll get you another one
And maybe one for myself
We’ll throw on Star Wars
And we can watch it twenty four seven
If that’s how long it’ll take the Death Star
To blow up Dantooine cause holy shit it’s so big
I don’t know where
To go if it’s cold outside
I guess it’s better than ninety degrees
Every single day there
I can’t see the signs
That point me directions
To the west side
Or if I should just stay here
I wish I could go back to
El Paso just for one day to
See Francis and Franco play together
Just for once and hope to see the
Places like Fort Bliss and UTEP
Just so I can feel like I’m at home
Dear Mikey
I wish I loved you like dad did
I wish I loved you like Estela and Jr. and Miriam
Just so I can try to get my head straight
And stop listening to Led Zeppelin
Just for once and I can just think
I don’t know where
To go if it’s cold outside
I guess it’s better than ninety degrees
Every single day there
I can’t see the signs
That point me directions
To the west side
Or if I should just stay here
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5. |
Blue Sports Drink
04:36
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I wish that my friends could hit me up sometimes
So I don’t have to keep bugging them and hope that they’re free
We can sit around and drink beer and watch Marvel movies
Too bad Sony owns Spider-Man I wish I knew how to pirate
Communication can be hard
When you don’t know the words to say
A simple sentence ain’t so bad
But it depends who you tell it to
You get that awful feeling
In your stomach and want to leave
But in the end it will be fine
Sometimes I get myself in situations
Where I have to socialize with strangers which I hate
Cause then I’ll just drink more and act like a dumbass
And then I see that Goobz takes a picture of it all
Communication can be hard
When you don’t know the words to say
A simple sentence ain’t so bad
But it depends who you tell it to
You get that awful feeling
In your stomach and want to leave
But in the end it will be fine like
Now at this
Moment we sit
Talking about your past and mine
And hoping we can pass the time like
Telling you about my childhood memories
Acting like they were all just a dream
Reality can be hard to think about
When all you do is sit around and pout
Communication can be hard
When you don’t know the words to say
A simple sentence ain’t so bad
But it depends who you tell it to
You get that awful feeling
In your stomach and want to leave
But in the end it will be fine
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6. |
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Waking up and trying to make some coffee
But all I see are towers of Domino’s Pizza boxes
Building in my kitchen
I swear to God it’s almost as tall as the Prudential
I guess that’s what I get for eating too much fast food
But yet I’m still skin and bones
And looking like hell but that don’t matter
Cause I’ll be single for the rest of my lyfe and you know it
I don’t care if I’ll be late
It’s just a matter of time before you
Call me up again and try to
Sort things out like you always do
And I know that you don’t care too
You just imagine that I assume that you
Think of me all the time and you don’t
And that’s what you get when you don’t pay attention
Sometimes I like to treat my lyfe like it’s a movie
Or maybe a sitcom with Michael and Robby
Like when we say some messed up shit
And then look at each other and say “Uhh that happened”
I guess that’s why our personalities
Differ like others
Maybe that’s why sometimes me and Jake
Couldn’t agree on things when we lived with each other
I don’t care if I’ll be late
It’s just a matter of time before you
Call me up again and try to
Sort things out like you always do
And I know that you don’t care too
You just imagine that I assume that you
Think of me all the time and you don’t
And that’s what you get when you don’t pay attention
And then you wait on me
To send you a text while you think of sex
And all this nonsense that I don’t really care for
Anymore
Now I’m wondering why sharks are swimming in my head
I guess it’s cause I had a rock thrown at me while in bed
Trying to think of songs that I can sing to my first born
Maybe the one about Franz being a fucking unicorn
I don’t care if I’ll be late
It’s just a matter of time before you
Call me up again and try to
Sort things out like you always do
And I know that you don’t care too
You just imagine that I assume that you
Think of me all the time and you don’t
And that’s what you get
When you just don’t shut the fuck up
Could you just listen to me
Can you imagine how things can be
And we can try to get along
Instead of figuring out who’s right or wrong
Well I guess I’ll be going home
And I won’t bother charging my phone
Oh shit did I forget to mention
That’s what you get when you don’t pay attention
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7. |
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I never knew Charlie like you did
But I can tell you we were well acquainted
And every time we passed by
In the hallway and say hi
Even though I never take the appreciation
That my friends try to give
I think to myself “How does this come about”
It’s just another silly game
That our minds try to play
Though we may never win
Cause it may never end
Do you ever feel happy when you’re alone
When you lock yourself up and try to fix the
Problems that
You know you can’t fix
Do you ever walk outside the pouring rain
And look at the cars crash into each other
And wonder how
Why we can’t figure out
The problems we have today
And how to make them go away
I bet it’s not that hard
If you use your heart
And when your blood starts
Boiling you can’t breathe
All you do is pace around the living room
And try to catch your breath
But all you feel lis regret
And when someone tells you they love you
But you don’t know the feeling of love
Well I can relate cause all I do is hate
But I try to pick myself up
But it’s hard to stop
Doubting myself
When I can’t get to
Love anyone else
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8. |
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Talking to mom on the phone
About how things have been going and about how things can get better
While I sit alone in my bedroom
Watching Kitchen Nightmares on my TV and waiting for some news
On my friends who struggle with their lyfes
And just hoping Ian is okay and just making sure I am
Texting dad about my future
Maybe I should’ve been like him and enroll myself in engineering school
Cause I don’t know where I’m going now
Guess I never realized that adulthood is scary as it is
But I know that it will be just fine
Cause everyone that I know seems to be just happy with their lyfes
And I swear to God I’m fine and I swear that I’m okay
I’ll just keep talking to myself until I can seize the day
But I can’t step out of my bedroom if
I don’t have the confidence
To put myself out there like some others
If that does make sense
And I hope that I can see you soon
Please tell Milo that I love him and I hope that he loves me too
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9. |
Laura
04:21
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Its Tuesday morning at 8 AM
My mom comes in to wake me up
She says pack your bags we have to go
We’ll try to make our way east
We load the car with Milo in the back
And it’s starting to rain we already feel it
We stop in Jennings to bring some food
To my godmother who’s staying behind
We make it to New Orleans
And me and mom smoke some cigarettes
And wait for Olivia to get some food
And try to have a güd time
It’s Wednesday morning at 9 AM
We put on the news to see some updates
We saw the numbers change from three to four
And now we’re scared to death
We take a walk in the park and try to
Get the feeling off our skin
We eat some pizza and drink some Cokes
While my dad is driving to Houston
We meet with Steve and Annette
And drink some beers while we talk about what’s to come
I close my eyes and pray to God that
I hope I can sleep this through
They said the wind was howling like a dog
When its owners had to leave it behind
The trees were falling down like dominos
That you set up for a game
The chlorine leaked and spread
And people couldn’t breathe for three days straight
Bricks were knocked down shingles flown off
Power lines were blocking streets
The media didn’t cover jack shit
The president just signed some autographs
People were helpless and had no clue
What lyfe was to bring them next
It’s Thursday morning at 7 AM
My mom is crying and I am too
I couldn’t bother watching everything
That was on Facebook
I text and call my friends
Making sure that they made it out okay
They all confirmed and were devastated
To see our high school ripped to pieces
Everyone was numb
And became depressed to see their homes
Not looking like what they call
Home
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Chair Umpire Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Chair Umpire is the emo/indie/punk solo project of Sammy DeSantos formed in Lake Charles, Louisiana and based out of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
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